No Storybook Ending For This Fairytale Of You...

I don't know why this matters to me so much but it does. Chris leaving in May. And I don't know if I will be able to handle that. He says that there are things back "home" that are bad and that he needs to go home to them. I don't know, at first I was mad, that he was leaving, and then I just recoiled becase I want to support him in doing the right thing, but it's painful to have him walk out. I feel like he's leaving me. I told him there's no point in me talking to him about "us"...and there is no us...now I don't even know if I want there to be an us. what would be the point of that. another broken heart. I didn't think you could break my heart nemore, but you can. And yet I still fuck him. Why? It's not an emotional thing, it's a physical thing, that is the only thing I'm sure of.