It rained again last night. Not like it was at 4:26 in the morning the other day either. It was pouring outside, and lightning was lighting up the entire street. I had so much stress inside of me, I didn't know where to put it all... so I went outside and I started to run. It gave me a sense of comfort that I could run away... made me feel good that it was so beautiful out. I could practically see the pain bleeding out of every step that I took. Like glowing... before the rain would wash it all away.

     Before I left, Dallas called me again. That guy never gives up. It's like... how much nerve do you need to have to mock someone cutting themself, or wanting to kill themself...like  fucking disease, and then not accept the fact that it's over. It was time to convince himself... that when he is miserable, I'll be just fine without him. I don't mind being his friend, I just don't want to have any relations with him that involve us spending long.... long periods of our lives together. He told me he was sorry.. and I think he meant it, unless he just needs me like an addiction or something.

     In fact, it must have just been one of those nights. Seth called me to. I don't want him to fucking touch me, not to breathe on me, next to me, behind me... anywhere near me. I will not hurt because he can't live up to his own actions. I refuse to have feelings for someone who is not completely worth it. That's the way it is with me, usually... unless it's an unexplainable feeling... I will block it out, and I will refuse to let it in. That makes me strong in a way... but it also makes me weak. But still, I resent that he fucked me over, and I won't let him do it again. Some people, are a waste of human flesh and blood. He wanted to know... "what can I do to make it better"... and I told him that it doesn't matter because he wouldn't fucking do anything anyways. I am ready to stop my time on other people, and start spending it on making me better. I keep forgetting that it's not about everyone else as much as it's about me. I am the one that I have to live with for the rest of my life. I can't help feeling hopeless... or depressed about things I have no control over, but I can help feeling depressed about things that I can change. Okay I'm out... later everyone ^-^